Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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