omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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