do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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