you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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