If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
