i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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