i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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