if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
