His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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