I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
