It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
