I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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