According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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