New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
