so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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