don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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