my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
