There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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