Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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