so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
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i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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