i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
