don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
