i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize