Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize