why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
