Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
