the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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