eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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