i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize