My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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