Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i think i have herpe
just one?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
