I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
