I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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