my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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