If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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