That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.