I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"