I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy