Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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