well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize