I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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