i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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