Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
