The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
this just has baby written all over it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
