I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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