what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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