Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
