Can Purell be used as lube?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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