I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
