went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize