i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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