so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize